She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
