i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
