They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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