There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
