think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize