hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
