I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
