mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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