yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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