I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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