there's paper in my vomit.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
