I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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