Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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