hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
