Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
