she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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