Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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