i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
