this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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