I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
