Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
