what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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