i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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