i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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