I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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