It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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