3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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