you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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