mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
