Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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