Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We are two peas in an std pod
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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