saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
