I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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