you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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