just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
