Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
