I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
