Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
only if we run a train.
done.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sorry about my life...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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