walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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