Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
