Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
