wakey wakey hands off snakey
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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