dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
