I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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