i barfeds in our rink
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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