I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
