Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
