she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
