it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
