Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
