is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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