is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
