it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
