Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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