this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
