that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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