i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
